Champagne Wishes and Caviar Dreams

It’s kind of amazing, isn’t it? The CEO killer has all but been dropped from the news. Luigi’s deranged attempt at vigilante justice and subsequent week on the lam, was bumped from the news cycle by domestic terrorism in New Orleans (remember that?), the fires in LA, and now Trump’s malevolent revenge tour, along with the beginnings of his turning our nation into a transactional marketplace. Access to your coastline to develop for me (Gaza), and a lifting of that tariff for you. Fawning, flattery and obedience will get you everywhere. Proximity to Trump is now the coin of the realm. In the meantime, while the Right delights to ICE pounding heads in churches and schools, and the Left is wringing their hands and pointing fingers of blame, the health insurance industry has quietly returned to the business of denying your claims. For any entity that’s the subject of bad press or the ire of unwanted scrutiny, the sage advice is to treat the 24-hour news cycle like a riptide. Don’t fight it, just wait for it to weaken and then swim back to shore.

As we enter a new age where corporate oversight is being eviscerated, the planet continues to warm, foreign aid is being frozen, and the Aviation Security Advisory Committee has just crashed and burned, caveat emptor has never held so much meaning. When I was a kid there were public service announcements warning of the dangers of pica. Looking ahead it’s fair to say, no one’s gonna be keeping lead out of our paint. Or our bread. Because most businesses when left unfettered, will sink to some crazy lows in order to boost the bottom line. We live in a society that lionizes the pursuit of wealth, and we’re currently being led by one who exemplifies the most egregious behavior in that pursuit. The only thing holding us back from our baser selves has been law and order. Just as the only thing holding me back from going to bed is watching Law and Order. Just the murder, just the murder! And then I’m sucked in for the next hour. Now, law and order are on the table as negotiating points to be leveraged or disregarded as needed.

I’m not opposed to accumulating wealth. Hell, I like caviar and blinis as much as the next guy, maybe more. Salty? Fishy? Good. But I don’t make a habit out of ordering the white truffle supplement, as delicious as they may be showered over my pasta or scrambled eggs. Such luxuries are for the occasional splurge only. Actually, I’ve never done it. Just as the angel, Gabriel pushed Moses’ hand from the Pharaoh’s jewels to the hot coals, common sense generally guides me to stick with the branzino. But I can’t help feeling that the billionaire class has taken some things off the table for the rest of us. Oh sure, you can still go to the Amalfi Coast, St. Moritz, Aspen, and St. Barts. Or Nantucket. Or the Hamptons. Or an Aman resort near you. But it’s gonna hurt not just your pocketbook, but your sense of justice and your self-esteem. I can’t even get an airport parking slot for my jet at Davos anymore. Cause the billionaires have kind of ruined these places for everyone else. There aren’t many Italian people left on Capri except the waitstaff at that place Beyonce loves, and the salespeople at Chanel and Bulgari. It’s not as if any of these places are walled off to prevent you from entering. They’re just priced out of reach for most. It’s a virtual wall. You may not be able to see their eyes behind Melania’s boater hat, but you can feel their burn when you walk through the room. The 1% would like to keep these places for themselves. Just like their money.

As a self-admitted fan of Bravo and other reality-based TV, I’ve watched a fair amount of Shark Tank. Billionaires and billionaire wannabees investing in and coaching others to become millionaires. Sometimes I feel a whisper of inspiration when I watch. Maybe I can develop and market a better mousetrap of some sort and reel in the bucks. Until I come back to reality with the realization that I’m a shitty marketer and can’t even get enough subscribers to this Substack. Please tell your friends. It’s such a rush when you get that email that someone new has subscribed and I’m fresh out of dopamine. There’s a sweet little bookstore in Camden, Maine where I’d like to do a reading and book signing just once before I die. That and see the story about my dad published just to see my sister’s face when she walks into a Barnes and Noble and finds a stack of them on a table with my dad’s picture on the cover. Please help. Before Bezos sticks a final blade in Barnes and Noble’s heart.

My son is adamant that there is no such thing as an ethical billionaire. All signs point to the fact that he is correct. At first, I objected a little. “What about Mark Cuban?” On Shark Tank as the resident billionaire, Cuban always seems like a decent guy. He’s been making a lot of noise lately about the unfairness of the price of pharmaceuticals. He just might make a better President than the current reality TV star. Not good enough, according to my son. “There is no other way to get that wealthy other than by exploiting people. And once that amount of wealth has been obtained, the very act of hoarding the money and not immediately divesting it for the public good, is unethical and detracts from your character.” Try gaming it out for yourself. Some of our most beloved public figures, musicians, artists, athletes all fit the bill. As nice as some of them may be, that’s an awful lot of wealth they’re sitting on as they helicopter from Calabasas to Laguna Beach while the rest of us sit in traffic on the 405.

Sure, some of them form charitable foundations like Bill and Melinda and Warren. Though I’m sure it’s killing Jeff to watch his ex, giving all his hard-earned dough away. Our financial community would argue that a foundation can do more as the honey pot grows tax free, and over time what they give away will exceed what it would be by simply giving the principal away now. But does it? No matter how you slice it, that’s an awful lot of wealth that’s being hoarded and being held outside of the economy. If a billionaire divests of everything now, while it may stop growing in their hands, it will continue to grow in the hands of the communities that receive it. A foundation will manage the slow release of their donations, ensuring that they have control over the when and the where. That’s a whole lot different than dialing up Mayor Bass and saying, “that reservoir you need repaired in Pacific Palisades, I’ve got you.” Hoarding vast wealth ensures that nobody else can ever catch up. It games the system to their advantage and keeps everyone’s hands off of their stash. Historically, no good ever comes from the wealthy letting small amounts trickle down slowly. That just leaves you with a bunch of fire hydrants that have no pressure. By controlling the flow of capital in the system, the donor class ensures that access to the club is held for members only. And if the occasional interloper does manage to secure a rez at Nobu Malibu, watching the valet squeeze their Wrangler between a McLaren and a BMW Alpina B8 Gran Coupe (just throwin it out there - manifest) will make them think twice about returning.

It's a top-down approach for what many believe would be more equitable and humane if managed from the bottom up. It deflects responsibility from government and institutions and the will of the people, concentrating decision making among the 1%. Which is exactly the point. And which is exactly what the 99% seemingly just voted for. Perhaps the founding fathers were correct when they created the Electoral College. Perhaps the general populace is just too fucking stupid to vote on their own behalf. Meanwhile, the landed gentry are smart enough to look out for only themselves. Hence the conversation surrounding the ethics of accumulating vast wealth. Because exploitation really is the name of the game. Whether it be through union busting and the suppression of fair wages, or tax laws that reward only those in a certain income stratum. I mean shit, I’d like to have mostly securities as an income source instead of lowly W-2 income. Then I too would only pay 15% capital gains instead of twice that in income tax. I’d love to have significant stock options that I could take a loan against instead of selling the stock. A loan is not considered income and the interest payments on those loans, are a whole lot less than taxes. But these kinds of opportunities are not available to most of us. Captains of Industry have never been all that considerate about sharing the wealth or of the negative environmental, socio-economic and health impacts that their businesses wreak upon their customer base. Just take a look at the ingredients on a box of Lucky Charms or a bag of Doritos. Or take a drive along Louisiana Route 190 between Baton Rouge and New Orleans. Affectionately nicknamed “Cancer Alley.” Or sit next to a family enjoying Thanksgiving dinner at Golden Corral.

There will always be people among us who are more well off than the rest. Like so many others who write with more eloquence and knowledge than me, I’m not hoping so much as to limit the ceiling of what one can achieve, but to create a floor below which, no one will fall. Which will inherently lower that ceiling a bit. But honestly after a point, how much more does one need? After the multiple homes, and the private jet, and setting one’s family up with multi-generational wealth, and the art and the yacht, and the private island, and the audience with the King and proximity to power, what’s left to acquire? I don’t begrudge Zuckerberg’s palace that he’s built on Kauai with reportedly numerous safe rooms. He’s such a dick, he needs to be able to hide. I do wonder why with all of his wealth, that he cannot seem to buy himself a flattering haircut. That alone is sure to elicit some major stink eye at the luau.

In the meantime, Luigi rots in jail where he is sure to spend the rest of his life, if his lawyers can manage to help him avoid the needle. Trump the pugilist will spend the next four years doing his darndest to transform our country into a mean-spirited enterprise that targets the vulnerable and the less connected, while siphoning their (our) bank accounts into the water towers at the top. Who knows if they’ll even open the spigot just a little. Should the opposition even manage to restrain him at all, the damage he does with the help of Mike Johnson and other righteous warriors on the right, will never be undone in my lifetime. That is, if they’re not too busy deciding who gets to use which bathroom. Details matter. I try to believe in cosmic justice and look at humanity over the course of millennia in the hope that this era will pass into something more peaceful, more just, more humane. Until I remember that we have been bashing each other’s heads in, ever since our distant ancestors discovered that a strong bone makes a nice weapon. Maybe this is just what we do. In the meantime, I watched Marine One fly by from my balcony. Ferrying Trump over Santa Monica Bay to and from the Palisades. The surf is going to be a little rough out there for a while with big waves and strong currents. I’m going to do my best to stay onshore until it’s safe to go back in the water.